Sunday, 22 July 2012

What Lies Behind The Curtains

My life began exactly two years ago when I joined university to study. Today, as a journalist, my beliefs have become stronger, that there is no democracy, my beloved country is a lawless country, where every sectarian group can dole out its own sense of justice, even if that means killing others. Where we think there should be humanity, we do not find, but often we find it in the places we despise the most.

In university I never studied, nor attended classes, went half an hour late to write my exams; I didn't learnt anything I'd need when I'd start working. But I did learn that politics begins when we are students, that it is everywhere, and it is something we are born in, and something we will die in. We can't negate it, because it is  a part of our lives. I learnt that to do what you set out to do, you have to jump and twist as it twists you, and you will probably fall, but  you may finally learn what you ought to.

What I thought I'd find at my work place, I didn't, but I did find out other important things. One of them; to learn to survive this world. It's a wonder that in places I'm looked upon as some magnanimous savior, whereas in other places, a journalist is a scum. All my philosophy, my whims, my ideals are right now bundled up and thrown in a corner. It's going to be a while before I can actually rummage through my past and flick them out.

In the past two and a half months, I have learned that life is unfair, and the more you try to accommodate yourself to the things around you, the bigger a puppet you are. My grandfather was right, it's better to be the boss doing something on your own, than to lick someone's ass. That's exactly what he said. Although I don't agree with him on many things, his words have started pinching me. But it hasn't gotten me down yet.

I still go to my office with the same enthusiasm I had the day I received my offer letter, and the day I became a journalist. It's definitely not what I expected, but then again, it is something to sit beside everything you decided to fight against your life. For one, I've always smiled at everything, and continue to do so. Changing the world, or trying to do it, is just fools paradise.

But at the end of the day, I always do find the little speck of light in the corner, if not burning bright, at least still flickering, which is enough to pump some life into me. There has been no incident  which has brought down my will, nor has anything ever, because for some reason, I can't, nor have I ever been able to give up. And I will not.


Why am I even writing this? No idea. Hopefully, someday I will look back at my past, and smile after reading this, congratulating myself for not giving up.

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